It’s Saturday night. You spent all day getting your hair, nails, and outfit together to enjoy a night on the town. You look good, smell good and feel good. You’re on a mission to find that strong, hard-working, loyal, assertive Black Adonis that a woman of your caliber deserves. After all, your nails would look better when accented with a sparkling diamond ring. You do your part by transforming into an Ebony Fashion Fair runway model. You go to work quickly, scout the talent and strategically place yourself within eye contact.

There he is…your future husband:  Blue pinstripe suit, polished Donald Pliner loafers, muscular frame, beautiful smile, initialed cufflinks, and largest hands you’ve ever seen holding a snifter of Crown Royal and the keys to your heart. You start the dance by making soft eye contact, slightly parting your thick, full lips, and arching your back and positioning every part of your body in his direction.

He dances back, smiling with direct eye contact as he boldly surveys you from head to toe…from the manicured nails framed in your favorite pair of Jimmy Choo’s up to your neck line that showcases the purposely alluring earrings,  necklace, and Fendi Spybag that accent…well… your softer features. He takes a purposeful sip of cognac and smoothly slides his keys into his pants to playfully hide his carnal attraction for you.

The electricity and chemistry between you makes you shift your balance to your toes and loosen your stance…then IT happens…

Some dummy with no style asks for your number. “Not again”, you think. You spent all your energy on MR. RIGHT just to be approached by an undesirable shadow of the man you really want and deserve. Before you know it some other opportunistic man-snatcher is laughing at your MR. RIGHT’s jokes and playfully touching his biceps as they enjoy each other’s company. “Great, another wasted outfit,” you think. Ultimately, you go home feeling more disappointed than when you arrived because you tasted chemistry, adventure, and potential marriage but couldn’t seal the deal because the WRONG GUY ruined it for you again!

Why allow this to happen to you ever again? It doesn’t have to if you are willing to infuse some modern day rule changes for dating. I’ll forewarn you, the dating advice I am about to suggest is controversial and unconventional but it gets results every time.

Ladies, I propose the END OF WAITING FOR MR. RIGHT to approach you. Instead, take a position that affords you full CONTROL and eliminates the distractions and unwelcome suitors that are sure to spoil your pursuit of happiness and chocolate fulfillment. Put that diva/model strut to work and do what a Black woman is supposed to do. With all the elegance, beauty, and supreme attraction power of Queen Cleopatra and Nefertiti themselves, introduce yourself as HIS date for the next few minutes. Flash that millionaire smile, and use your femininity to charm his socks off.

Trust me, he’ll be pursuing you one minute into the conversation. If you play your cards right, you’ll convey a message of, “A queen is interested in you, so pursue accordingly.”  Remember, no negative thoughts, opting instead for only projecting confidence and Diva-licious attitude that brings all men to their collective knees.

Personally, I wish a God-fearing, beautiful, mocha-colored sister with nice full lips, curvaceous hips, soft hands, and an unquenched desire to love, support, and spoil a Do-Right-Man would approach me. I can promise you this…I am certainly not alone in this request. Contrary to popular belief, men love for women to approach. The key is to do it with tact and without looking desperate. A supremely confident woman who knows both who she is and what she has is all any brother needs to pursue. 

So, my chocolate queens, go claim your prize! Next weekend, you’ll be telling your girlfriends that you’re staying in again because Mr. Pinstripe will be serving up enough stimulating conversation, humor, and spine-tingling [you-fill-in-the-blank] to keep you in for the evening…or maybe even the rest of your life! Can you say, “Get Your Ring Finger Ready!”

Dr. Alduan Tartt is a psychologist, motivational speaker and author of THE RING FORMULA: How to Marry MR. RIGHT.

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Its hot, summertime, and once again you find yourself alone with no one to vacation in St. Lucia with. You have no problems attracting men but finding one who is marriage material is beginning to feel like Mission Impossible. However, your luck suddenly changes at an after work mixer at the W Hotel. You’ve finally met a man who is worthy of a serious date with you. He’s a tall, handsome professional gentleman with broad shoulders, large hands, and alluring lips. He’s dressed in spit polished shoes and matching take-charge persona. His swagger makes you tingle with anticipation of his power to vastly upgrade your love life.

You are enjoying a wonderful first date at- SURPRISE- a nice restaurant in the upscale part of town. He opens the door for you and even selects the correct bottle of red wine, Shiraz to be exact, which happens to be your favorite to accompany your lamb chops. The food is scrumptious and the wine has warmed both your sense of hope and opened your heart to new possibilities. More importantly, this man has wasted no time in expressing his interest in you as indicated by the foot action under the table. Things are going even better than planned and then it happens…

That cute, little waitress who seated the two of you- who already was a little too friendly for your liking in the first place- walks over and makes direct eye contact with your date and tops off his wine while barely even acknowledging you. Mr. Take-Charge-Persona smiles and returns the direct eye contact with Ms. Friendly. It looks like you aren’t the only one who’s in the market for a man with marriage material.

What do you do?

A)    Give the waitress a piece of your mind

B)    Instruct your date to focus his attention on you and only you

C)    Ignore it and move on with the date

D)    Give the waitress a compliment and ask for the manager

If you answered A… WRONG.

If you answered B… WRONG.

If you answered C… WRONG.

If you answered D…  CONGRATULATIONS and CALL ME!

While putting the waitress in her place, refocusing your date, or outright ignoring Ms. Rude might make you feel better; it certainly will ruin any chance you have with Mr. Right. Why?

A)    Any attention you focus on the waitress affirms her as a threat in your date’s mind. If you have to check her then she must be worth pursuing or at least flirting with.

B)    If you have to instruct or request that your date refocus his attention on you, the “She’s Controlling Alarm” may be set off. Also, you appear desperate. Even worse, now that you have now officially verified the waitress as someone powerful enough to distract his attention away from you, he will undoubtedly want her more.

C)    To ignore the waitress sends a message that you are oblivious that she is openly flirting with your date OR you are accepting of it. Although it makes no sense to women, the cuter the waitress is the more your typical man will try to rationalize why it’s not “so bad” to get her number. After all, YOU didn’t say anything.

D)    Congratulations. MR. RIGHT is going home with YOU. I’m impressed because you must have been read my book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT, because you just pulled a serious POWER MOVE even a psychologist would be impressed with. Oh, I’m sorry…you’re probably asking, “What did I do?”

1)      By publically acknowledging her beauty you demonstrated that while her beauty was obvious, it was certainly no threat to you. Your date will be impressed that you don’t have any insecurities despite a blatant violation by the waitress.

2)      By asking for the manager, you scare the crap out of the waitress because she knows she was wrong. She’s afraid of a complaint but, instead, you praise her for her excellent customer service. In turn, she is so relieved that she tries to cover her tracks by filling your wine and being super nice to you. In fact, when she returns to check on your table she doesn’t even look at your date again. My, my how the tables have turned!

Chances are that your date has never met a woman so confident and skillful. He now begins to look at you as the potential “ONE” and is mesmerized by your beauty, confidence, power, and security.

Moral of the story, when it comes to dating towards marriage…

NO INSECURITY ALLOWED.

So, to all my beautiful ladies…Next time Ms. THANG decides to unwisely flirt with your man because she doesn’t know who she’s messing with….you put your RING FORMULA to work and let her know that there’s only room for one woman in your man’s life and you just so happen to be pouring her wine right now!

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Get more dating tips in Dr. Tartt’s new book, The RING FORMULA: How To Marry MR. RIGHT.

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Tip #1- When dating someone you REALLY like you must ce creative and intuitive. For instance, if a man mentions that he likes live music because he used to play drums for a band a few years ago…negotiate a deal with band that is performing for him to play a set or two. Any woman who is that considerate will blow the socks of a man and put herself in rare air…exactly where she needs to be to be his one and only. Visit www.drtartt.com or www.ringformula.com for more tips.